oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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