If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
