she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
