There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
