so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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