I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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