i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
