Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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