I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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