I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
we're so committed to being not committed
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
