$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize