craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize