Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize