Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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