So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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