And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I am one with the molecules
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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