I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
