everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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