well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My vagina is very pro this idea
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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