You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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