He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
