Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Someone shit on the floor
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
