So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
