im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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