The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
foreskin is a definite game changer
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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