Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It's never too late to be topless.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
