Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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