You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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