yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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