her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
