Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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