I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
