have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
