Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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