my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
