Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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