Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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