Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
as a side note pls kill me
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
