Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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