I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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