I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize