so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
