Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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