I accidentally burped into my bong.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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