I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
