wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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