Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
