i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
