How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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