I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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