Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
