Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
