And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
