BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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