I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize