i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
