We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
i think i just lost a toe
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
