he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
