Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
