got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
