Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
