A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
