This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
