you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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