He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
