god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Randomize
