Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
