there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
