dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
