You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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