Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
