Buhtt sex?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
