woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
