areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
