Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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