Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
