thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
