well I can't set my house on fire every night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize