Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
