I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
