The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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