Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
