Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
