i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
