I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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