everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I need a beard to bite.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
