I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
