So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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