When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
