if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am naked and annoyed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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